Matt Paknis Leadership Development

"People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die." - Plato "We may not all be equally guilty. But we are all equally responsible for building a decent and just society." - Ruby Bridges #leadersarentbullies #HealthyWorkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact  

"Nobody can be kinder than the narcissist while you react to life in their own terms." - Elizabeth Bowen "It is shocking to hear intelligent, 21st century, people say responding  to terrorists with force spawns terrorism, and appeasing them somehow tames them." - Meles Zenawi #leadersarentbullies #HealthyWorkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact Placating bullies’ needs, wants, and moods take precedence over performance and organizational health. The organization’s employees learn how to placate the abuser, often at the cost of performance, health, happiness, freedom, and functioning.

"There's strong data that, within companies, the No. 1 reason for ethical violations is the pressure to meet expectations, sometimes unrealistic expectations." - Stephen Covey #leadersarentbullies #HealthyWorkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact

If a bully is not stopped and treated with professional help, the chance of them stopping and becoming a different and healthier person is slim. Their abusive behaviors will continue throughout adulthood, affecting their lives and lives they impact. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-e-jean-carroll-trial-closing-arguments-courtroom/ https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/trump-s-worst-offense-mocking-disabled-reporter-poll-finds-n627736

 

"Don't give up or give in in the face of patronising ridicule, amused disdain, or being ignored." - Meryl Streep "The people who are bullying you, they're insecure about who they are, and that's why they're bullying you." - Madelaine Petsch #stepup #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #leadersarentbullies #HealthyWorkplaces #psychologicalsafetyatworkact

“As the oppressors dehumanize others and violate their rights, they themselves also become dehumanized. As the oppressed fight to  take away the oppressors’ power to dominate and suppress, they restore the oppressors' humanity, lost in the exercise of oppression.” - Paulo Freire #HealthyWorkplaces #stepup #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #psychologicalsafetyatworkact Truth be told, bullying even has a negative impact on the bully. They can suffer longterm effects if their behavior is not addressed. #leadersarentbullies

"Knowing a direct stare will crush most human souls is the basic gist of it... The soul-crushing stare, the fatherly disappointment, mixed with a little bit of hate and rage - you're on your way." - Samoa Joe "I had my bully, and it was excruciating. Not only the bully, but the intimidation I felt." - Robert Cormier "There cannot be greater rudeness than to interrupt another in the current of his discourse." - John Locke #leadersarentbullies #HealthyWorkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact

Photo Credit: Brian M. Lockwood "It is easy to become angry, but to be angry with the right person to the right degree at the right time  for the right purpose, and in the right way - is not within everybody's power and is not easy." - Aristotle "When anger rises, think of the consequences." - Confucius #HealthyWorkplaces #stepup #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #psychologicalsafetyatworkact A target that can’t stop nor address workplace bullying can experience a sense of despondency at home. Bullying affects everyone, not just the victim.  #LeadersArentBullies

“A false friend and a shadow attend only while the sun shines.” - Benjamin Franklin “A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down." - Arnold H. Glasow #leadersarentbullies #HealthyWorkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact

"The rising sun can dispel the darkness of night, but it cannot banish the blackness of malice, hatred, bigotry, and selfishness." - David O. McKay "The purpose of whistleblowing is to expose secret and wrongful acts by those in power in order to enable reform." - Glenn Greenwald #leadersarentbullies #HealthyWorkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact While disingenuous, duplicitous bullies remain in charge, HR is nothing more than a joke. If employers want loyal, trusting, and safe workers, they must drive out abusive conduct and banish bullies. Organizations that do this will have employees who repay them tenfold.

"If you aren't humble, whatever empathy you claim is false and probably results from some arrogance or the desire to control. But true empathy is rooted in humility and the understanding that there are many people with as much to contribute in life as you." - Anand Mahindra #leadersarentbullies #HealthyWorkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact

"In law a man is guilty when he violates the rights of others. In ethics he is guilty if he only thinks of doing so." - Immanuel Kant "To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; credible we must be truthful." - Edward R. Murrow #stepup #HealthyWorkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #psychologicalsafetyatworkact An employer’s response to bullying is an ethical, credible, and reputable litmus test. Make sure you pass! #LeadersArentBullies

"We cannot turn the clock back nor can we undo the harm caused, but we have the power to determine the future and to ensure that what happened never happens again." - Paul Kagame #leadersarentbullies #HealthyWorkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact

"Emotions affect our thought processes below our level of  awareness. The most common emotion is to desire pleasure and to avoid pain." - Robert Greene "Be strong, be fearless, be beautiful. Anything is possible when you have the right people to support you." - Misty Copeland #leadersarentbullies #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact Workplace #trauma fosters avoidance. Workers cannot approach locations, tasks, or people who trigger memories of traumatizing events, creating an unhealthy and unproductive work environment. #LeadersArentBullies

“The paradox of trauma is that it has both the power to destroy and the power to transform and resurrect.” – Peter Levine “Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness yet become something beautiful.” – Unknown #leadersarentbullies #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact

“Trauma is hell on earth. Trauma resolved is a gift from the gods.” ― Peter A. Levine “What we change inwardly will change outer reality.” – Plutarch #healthyworkplaces #stepup #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #psychologicalsafetyatworkact Studies show nearly 25% of all workplace abuse and bullying witnesses suffer from anxiety, clinical depression, or other PTSD-like trauma related symptoms. #LeadersArentBullies

 

"The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." - John F. Kennedy "Recognition is a reward in itself. Any form of appreciation, even a small word, is important." - Vikrant Massey #leadersarentbullies #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #StepUp #psychologicalsafetyatworkact

 

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." - T. S. Eliot "You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor." - Aristotle #stepup #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #psychologicalsafetyatworkact Bystander guilt is rooted in the shame of inaction. Guilty coworkers may also experience a sense of worthlessness for not helping or empathizing with a bullied associate. #LeadersArentBullies #workplaceculture

"Most bad behavior comes from insecurity." - Debra Winger "A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity." - Robert A. Heinlein #leadersarentbullies #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact

"Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning, and focused effort." - Paul J. Meyer "Productivity is being able to do things that you were never able to do before." - Franz Kafka #leadersarentbullies #stepup #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #psychologicalsafetyatworkact  Fear caused by witnessing or experiencing abusive behaviors can be analogous to putting sand in an engine. It immobilizes and freezes bystanders. Too afraid to act, they are less productive, and poor production is the opposite outcome bullies claim to demand, profess, and covet. Atop the WTC Antenna!  I worked 1.5 blocks away and would visit this observation deck.

"(We) must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love." - Martin Luther King, Jr. "The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong." - Carl Jung #leadersarentbullies #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact

"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear." - Rosa Parks "The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others." - Albert Schweitzer #stepup #leadersarentbullies #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #psychologicalsafetyatworkact People who fail to intervene on behalf of a bully's target are afraid of being the next target. They fear they might not help right and botch it. They fear being the only one to act. They fear bully or employer retaliation and retribution. They fear  losing their jobs and income.

"People are afraid of things they don't understand. They don't know how to relate. It threatens their security, their existence, their career, image." - Bill Laswell "Never give up. Today is hard, tomorrow will be worse, but the day after tomorrow will be sunshine." - Jack Ma "Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." - Harriet Beecher Stowe #leadersarentbullies #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." - Martin Luther King, Jr. #leadersarentbullies #stepup #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #psychologicalsafetyatworkact A WBI survey shows 74% of USA workers either witness or experience workplace bullying. Yet, in just 13% of these cases do co-workers rally around a bullied cohort by either confronting the bully and / or reporting the bully’s abusive behaviors to their employer or authorities.

"Don't let your ego get too close to your position, so that if your position gets shot down, your ego doesn't go with it." - Colin Powell "(Bullies) are prone to envying and hating those who work hard and get results. They will slander and sabotage you without any warning." - Robert Greene "Because power corrupts, society's demands for moral authority and character increase as the importance of the position increases." - John Adams #leadersarentbullies #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact

"Sometimes when you're overwhelmed by a situation - when you're in the darkest of darkness - that's when your priorities are reordered." - Phoebe Snow "Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness." - Desmond Tutu #leadersarentbullies #stepup #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #psychologicalsafetyatworkact Controlling bullying managers  attempt to block targets' abilities to transfer to safe and healthy work environments. Bullies try to make targets so miserable they quit. Bullies also may try to overwhelm a target with stress to impair a target’s health and capacity to function.

“Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." - Don Miguel Ruiz #leadersarentbullies #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact

"The oldest and strongest emotion  is fear, and the oldest and strongest fear is of the unknown." - H. P. Lovecraft "Thinking will not overcome fear but action will." - W. Clement Stone "I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott #leadersarentbullies #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact Bullying undermines a target’s belief in her or his livelihood security. Organizations in regions suffering economic downturns and volatility are more prone to bullying management practices.

Zero-sum is a situation where one person's gain is equivalent to another's loss, so the net change in wealth or benefit is zero. "Takers believe in a zero-sum world, and they end up creating one where bosses, colleagues and clients don't trust them. Givers build deeper and broader relationships - people are rooting for them instead of gunning for them." - Adam Grant #leadersarentbullies #healthyworkplaces #leaderselevatethoughtandconduct #stepup #psychologicalsafetyatworkact

 

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Happy New Year!   Onto the seventh decade of celebrating my good, lifelong, friend's New Year's Birthday!   Thanks for joining us this year, Kota!